Irrational thoughts

When I am stressed out I think about bad things I would never do. Here’s a list of today’s irrational thoughts:

1. Making a gigantic salad at a salad bar only to proclaim ‘I hate this stupid salad!’ and throw it as high in the air as I can.
2. Forcing this guy who is mean to my sister to drink a Route 44 size barf milkshake. I’m not specific on whose barf it is.
3. Picking up an orange in the produce section of Whole Foods and seeing how far I can throw it (I would base the distance off of how many aisles I cleared with one throw).
4. Choking and ruining a big presentation at work in front of everyone I respect.
5. Getting fired for wearing something really inappropriate to work. Like chaps…just chaps.
6. Forgetting my social, address, phone number and where my office is.
7. That God is just fed up with me and knew I would go to hell all along but lets me pretend like everything is ok but we both know it isn’t.
8. That some people who are really mad at me will come find me and make me blind or mentally impaired.

Yikes. I’m glad none of those things will happen. The thing about thoughts is we can choose to dwell on them or let them float away. But maybe the barf milkshake thing should still happen. It would be easy to make. Vomit, ice cream and milk. Probably wouldn’t even need a blender because the vomit would melt the ice cream. That’s gross.

Mr. A